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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Jan 3, 2015 13:02:25 GMT -5
I read Chapter 1. Really cool idea and set up. The only thing is her mother seems on death's door and this plan seems like it might take a while.  Thanks a lot  The disease is sort of long term. It kills eventually, but it'll make you feel and look like death's alredy knocking I just read both chapters both good stories and your writing is expertly done. Yeah I remmeber this was a story you had for the group series awhile back for TOR timeline and stuff. Well cool to see you're still going through with it. All the characters are good but I think the empire is a bit too nice especially Lasc. Thsts just my observation. Also you may want to delete chapter 2 off of chapter 1 since you kinda have them twice. Thanks for the heads, I'm still trying to get my head round this site And don't worry, I have plans for making the Empire seem way more brutal  |
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Post by Newan on Jan 3, 2015 13:04:33 GMT -5
I read Chapter 1. Really cool idea and set up. The only thing is her mother seems on death's door and this plan seems like it might take a while. Thanks a lot The disease is sort of long term. It kills eventually, but it'll make you feel and look like death's alredy knocking I just read both chapters both good stories and your writing is expertly done. Yeah I remmeber this was a story you had for the group series awhile back for TOR timeline and stuff. Well cool to see you're still going through with it. All the characters are good but I think the empire is a bit too nice especially Lasc. Thsts just my observation. Also you may want to delete chapter 2 off of chapter 1 since you kinda have them twice. Thanks for the heads, I'm still trying to get my head round this site And don't worry, I have plans for making the Empire seem way more brutal Yeah I was wondering if you had the both together or if chapter 1 was just really long. And that will be interesting tbh I constantly thought it was TCW jedi running around |
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Post by Ivar-Jedi on Jan 7, 2015 18:06:27 GMT -5
Sorry i read it a little bit late  I didn't expect Carletta's plan to take effect so soon in the story but it's fine because the Sith's should be really interesting in here. Also, i already like Gyb and Lasc |
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Jan 10, 2015 9:59:00 GMT -5
Sorry if this one is a bit boring and short, but chapter 3 is now free to read |
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Post by Kenbo on Jan 10, 2015 10:37:05 GMT -5
Yeah not much happened but I guess it's kinda needed as like a bridge to get to the next part.... Idk but looking forward to the rest as usual And Darth Peligrous seems like she'll be an interesting character |
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Jan 10, 2015 11:11:11 GMT -5
Yeah not much happened but I guess it's kinda needed as like a bridge to get to the next part.... Idk but looking forward to the rest as usual And Darth Peligrous seems like she'll be an interesting character Yeah sorry for the boredom back there. Things will get better though and more intense. |
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Post by Star on Jan 11, 2015 16:49:14 GMT -5
Caught up on this. Chapters 2 and 3 were pretty good. I like Lasc and I see things beginning to set themselves up now. Also, the descriptions in Chapter 3 of the Sith Temple and everything there was really cool. |
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Post by ?6 (CBK) on Jan 12, 2015 21:48:29 GMT -5
Chapter 3 was short and sweet. I liked it. Darth Peligrous seems quite "nice" compared to most Sith. I kind of like her that way though, this seems like it'll be gearing up to be a great story . I'm not sure if you answered this but how many chapters will there be? |
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Jan 13, 2015 2:47:52 GMT -5
Chapter 3 was short and sweet. I liked it. Darth Peligrous seems quite "nice" compared to most Sith. I kind of like her that way though, this seems like it'll be gearing up to be a great story . I'm not sure if you answered this but how many chapters will there be? Still not sure about how many. However I'm becoming pretty certain it'll be less than twenty. |
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Post by Spidyyr on Jan 14, 2015 0:37:25 GMT -5
Read Chapter 2. |
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Post by Spidyyr on Jan 14, 2015 12:18:02 GMT -5
And Chapter 3 |
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Jan 17, 2015 6:52:43 GMT -5
Chapter 4's ago |
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Post by Kenbo on Jan 17, 2015 7:28:23 GMT -5
I liked this chapter the most the story's coming along nicely
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Post by ?6 (CBK) on Jan 17, 2015 9:18:14 GMT -5
This was my favorite chapter so far. Very good dialogue and excellent writing. I can't wait for the next chapter!
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Post by Ivar-Jedi on Jan 19, 2015 18:34:54 GMT -5
I decided to wait a little bit so i could read Chapter 3 & 4 at the same time. I very much liked the dark and evil depiction of the Sith Lords. They were brutal in some of those sights Carletta saw. What i like most about both chapters is that Carletta is really in a tight spot, surrounded amongst powerful Sith Lords where ever she goes. And just like CBK, Chapter 4 had very good dialogue and could picture everything written down perfectly in my head Too bad you don't have to many LEGO's Maverick-Jedi-Valen, otherwise you could have made the story with those (that would've been cool) |
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Jan 20, 2015 2:52:34 GMT -5
I decided to wait a little bit so i could read Chapter 3 & 4 at the same time. I very much liked the dark and evil depiction of the Sith Lords. They were brutal in some of those sights Carletta saw. What i like most about both chapters is that Carletta is really in a tight spot, surrounded amongst powerful Sith Lords where ever she goes. And just like CBK, Chapter 4 had very good dialogue and could picture everything written down perfectly in my head Too bad you don't have to many LEGO's Maverick-Jedi-Valen, otherwise you could have made the story with those (that would've been cool) Yeah, I would've loved to do it with Lego, but I'd need a heck of a lot of it for this story |
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Post by Star on Jan 20, 2015 17:12:28 GMT -5
Chapter 4 was great! Definitely the best chapter so far. Peligrous is growing on me, and Matturn is pretty cool. I likedd the dialogue between the two, especially that one quote that said "as clear as Illum's ice" or along those lines. Looking forward to future chapters. |
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Jan 24, 2015 12:54:16 GMT -5
As a little note, I'll be delaying chapter 5 till tomorrow, since I've been really busy today.
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Jan 25, 2015 4:50:24 GMT -5
Chapter 5 is up. Sorry for the delay. Oh, and just so you know I'll be posting the next chapter in a couple weeks time since I want to keep my head start with writing this.
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Post by ?6 (CBK) on Jan 25, 2015 9:01:09 GMT -5
A very nice chapter once again. Dialogue is on point ahaha! I think this relationship between Matturn and Carletta will be developed quite nicely. They are an interesting pair. Good chapter!
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Post by Kenbo on Jan 25, 2015 15:46:49 GMT -5
Another good chapter mav
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Jan 25, 2015 16:13:14 GMT -5
Thanks guys. I know things haven't been lively as of late, but the next couple chapters are gonna take a wildly darker tone  |
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Feb 7, 2015 15:52:58 GMT -5
I'm sorry to say the new chapter won't up today. Fanfiction's being a jerk and won't let me log in. Hopefully it'll play nice tomorrow and we can get this show back on the road.
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Post by Ivar-Jedi on Feb 7, 2015 17:09:54 GMT -5
I'm sorry to say the new chapter won't up today. Fanfiction's being a jerk and won't let me log in. Hopefully it'll play nice tomorrow and we can get this show back on the road. That's too bad  But it gave me the time to read Chapter 5 quickly A good set-up chapter and a well written conversation. ISorry if i'm a bit slow. |
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Post by Ivar-Jedi on Feb 7, 2015 17:24:28 GMT -5
Maverick-Jedi-ValenThis is kinda how i imagine Carletta (before joining the Sith. Otherwise i would've given her Sith Robes instead) What do you think? Does it come close to what you had in mind a bit? 
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Feb 8, 2015 2:47:15 GMT -5
Maverick-Jedi-ValenThis is kinda how i imagine Carletta (before joining the Sith. Otherwise i would've given her Sith Robes instead) What do you think? Does it come close to what you had in mind a bit? View Attachment That's... actually pretty darn accurate It's a lot like how I imagined her in Lego. |
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Feb 8, 2015 6:14:55 GMT -5
OK, chapter 6 is finally a done deal |
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Post by Kenbo on Feb 8, 2015 8:14:26 GMT -5
Read chapter 6 I think the wait was worth it. The Path of Strength seemed pretty brutal but something the Sith would do. And lol Matturn killed her at the end. He's a cool character.
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Post by ?6 (CBK) on Feb 10, 2015 8:30:45 GMT -5
Another great chapter once again Mav! Matturn is now getting to be a lot darker. I like this twist of his character, can't wait for more!
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Post by Maverick-Jedi-Valen on Feb 15, 2015 2:48:48 GMT -5
Sorry to say chapter 7 will be released next week. I've been a little under the weather lately, so I haven't finished chapter 8. So, in order for me to keep ahead, I may have to change chapter release dates every two weeks. However, to pass the time I'll post little trivia here and there. Sorry for the inconvenience.
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The disease is sort of long term. It kills eventually, but it'll make you feel and look like death's alredy knocking 
But it gave me the time to read Chapter 5 quickly 
