Mos Eisley Cantina

Sorry I haven’t been in lately, right now I’m so busy with work. I’ve been away from home in a hotel and working 12-15 hour days. It’s quite lonely being away from my girlfriend and always eating alone though.

Currently trying to build my writing career on the side while I work a part time call work job I even have a book I need to get back to trying to publish lol

I did hear that, though I heard this kind of story before about people "leaking" details. Much as I too would love it to happen, I'm not believing alien encounters until we have hardcore evidence

Past few weeks have been pretty good. I went on July 4th for a jet-ski ride with some friends from HS. It was fun but we fell off twice, and had to flip the jet-ski over. I also went out again to locate a geocache on my friends ski, he decided to do circles in the jet-ski and I was a lil freaked out. Compared to the friends I went with on July 4th, he was way more skilled and had a faster jet-ski. We had to be going so fast, if we fell it would've hurt forsure and we were chasing a wave off a boat. For reference I live on a massive mad-man dam that spans counties. It's actually cool because below the lake is a city that was flooded, so if you go far down you'll see a whole town (scuba diving) which I want to do but it is murky and requires a 2 month certification.

On another note, I've been pretty bummed out recently the few years. I just wanted to share because, well I feel like maybe someone else feels the same. Its just...when I was a kid I had a good childhood and I honestly miss it all the time. I feel like I should enjoy adulting but I've just never came around to it. I just remember the best times in my life were when I was a kid, everything was just so fun and new I guess. Thankful too because my parents are the reason it was so good, I could've had a shitty childhood like a lot of people, but I didn't. It's just been tough, working for so long doing the same things, it's often exhausting and I wonder how I'll do this until retirement. Honestly at this point, I just live for the weekends. After work, sometimes I am amped up because I do physical labor but a lot of times I just feel "overworked" I guess honestly I feel like a zombie. It's like all of my time is dedicated to work, and I have little time for myself after work but honestly I don't "enjoy" myself like I do on the weekends. It is also tough because I've worked for years and I don't see a lot growth, as in I was saving up to go back to college but couldn't budget/make enough and I've been stuck pretty much in the same spot financially. Now I'm getting older I have to get an apartment, my first and right now with the lowest prices I'm looking it is going to be difficult still. I can do it, but I won't be saving money. I'm already in a good spot and not saving well as it is. I'll probably have to get a second job, which is difficult to process because as of current work is very draining, and I honestly only feel alive during the weekends. It would also be putting in so much effort for just a little extra to make things "work" I guess. At this point, I honestly just feel like a lost mindless drone navigating a tiny crevasse in an endless universe. I'm really lost in life I guess, I'm not really sure what I want to be, and money is a big factor. I honestly just feel pretty stuck/trapped, and I feel as if I don't have a choice to where my life goes, and I know that isn't true. Life is based on decisions, and the choices you make can affect your destiny. I also know I am young, but I don't want to be paying off debt and become entrapped in that system. It feels like you have to pull out a loan at some point, (eg. a house would cost a lot, many people take out first home-owners loans/ loans from nice universities) so it is just tough. I guess I'll have to do what I have to do, but it doesn't feel "right" necessarily.

The economy has also been a little crazy, grocery prices and gasoline are getting higher as well as housing costs. I've thought about (maybe in a decade) moving to a different country that's more cost affordable. Of course though, I live in the United States....so I'm not sure where opportunities would be better.... I mean people come here for better opportunities. I just know housing is a lot more affordable in certain countries. I am broke in my 20's so this is all "normal" I guess for my age but I feel like this is an issue I will have to face the rest of my life. I honestly see myself renting for the rest of my life, paying bills and MAYBE having a little left over to save for next month's bills. If I wanted to plan to have kids, currently I can't have that plan. I couldn't afford too. Dating? Super expensive too. Having fun going out? Costs money and gas. Understand, I never wanted to be rich in this life. Ever since I was 5 all I've wanted was a studio and a dog. I wanted to just live simple, now that I'm older I just don't want money to be a big stress. I want to feel like I'm going somewhere with all this, to plan a future. I'm a really happy person inside and money honestly just can effect you a lot as an adult. I also understand there is people probably 60% or more in the world who are struggling way more, people in china doing sweatshops, children in africa dying before 3, families silenced and in inescapable poverty in corrupt countries like Mexico and North Korea, children being sold into slavery/sex work by their own parents in poverty ridden third world countries. So I understand in retrospect, I have it easy and my complaints aren't as important as others out there. Still this is the only life I live, my own and it's hard to express these thoughts of never making it because ever since I was a kid I wanted to become something.

It's also decisions, I was able to go to college off of a financial grant, but I didn't do too to good and dropped out. My gpa is pretty messed up, and my chances of receiving the grant are probably pretty slim based on my academic performance. I also have only had one job, and have worked it for years. So I have all this experience and good pay for what my job is, but if I leave it I'm honestly not looking at good money at all as all my experience is in a laborer's trade. I could switch to a different company, but honestly I'd rather get out of the work. Of course I'm young so I could climb back up the ladder, but without a degree I'm looking at places that really don't care to "progress" you in life to better paying positions like college degrees give you. That does depend on the job though with/without a degree.

Really though I miss enjoying things as a kid. Things feel lackluster or mundane a lot of the time, and I don't really get excited about things like I used too. I guess I just miss the novelty of things, but even as a teenager I felt happier to do things, and life just felt more whole than it does now. I guess I miss the carefree feeling I had as a kid. At times I'm not really sure, but I know that the world isn't a fair place, things don't always go how you want them too, sometimes even if you really try you end up with a different result than you expected, and if it was easy it wouldn't be life. I just don't really know, you know?

sorry to rant, lol

Enjoyed visiting the US again, I mean I’m from there and lived there until I was 8 but haven’t been back in almost 10 years. Mostly liked the stores and fast food lol. Chick Fil-A is awesome got to visit the museum and heritage sights in Bismarck.

Yeah man childhood was goated, being an adult sucks. I feel lost too right now. I guess it’s “normal” for people around our age but I think there’s also a lot of people who have things figured out early and I would prefer to be like that.

Totally get what you mean about feeling trapped and finances and whatnot. I think I said it before but I don’t love my current job. Like it’s okay and could be a lot worse but I’d like to do something else. Problem is I don’t know what. I don’t want to stay in finance sector but at this point it feels too late to go anywhere else with no experience or education outside of business. Going back to school in a way feels like a “waste” of money to me. Like it feels like going backwards than making progress towards your future. Not that I even know what I would study the second time. Kinda think I’d rather stay on this career path even if it’s not ideal than expend precious time and money starting over

I’m also starting to feel the struggle of being poor lol. I always lived a pretty privileged childhood, got everything I wanted and whatnot. Now my job doesn’t pay anything crazy but I was chilling because my expenses are basically 0 since I’m still living with parents.

But I really don’t like living with them anymore and would like to move out. But I realized I cannot afford to move out and still live a comfortable lifestyle. Maybe some roach infested shack is doable but getting an actual nice apartment and all other expenses of living alone would probably take up like 80-90% of my income and maybe dip into savings. People do it but I don’t really want to live like that.

So I’m trying to find a higher paying job before getting a place but I’m just not super motivated because again, the deeper I get in a career I don’t like means I’m getting further away from a potential one I might actually enjoy.

See...I typed out a good two paragraphs atleast...then my internet disconnected while trying to post. I'll run the the reply back soon. My internet has been constantly going in and out...I need to run an ethernet but I keep procrastinating. In summary, maybe try to find a different finance firm which pays higher, or getting a degree with finance. If you feel the same way I do, I'd get out of finance. I feel like we feel very similar in terms of that, so I understand your hesitancy. Do you get regular raises, and what was your major when you went to college? Everything is also super expensive right now in terms of housing, I also need to make 3x the rent in my income, security deposit, and other little fees I think. Honestly I might have to get a roommate to make it work. I found a really good deal 1,200 for 3 bdrm/3roomates. I just have to find people. Really the only way it seems feasible, but most of my friends are all in different areas in their perspective life. So I might to post an ad out or something.

I get like $1 added what seems to be every 6-8 months. Not sure since I've only been there about a year. $1 raise is a joke lol but apparently common or even better than a few cents raise that some jobs get... And I majored in finance. But I don't think my job really requires a related degree. I know a colleague that got a psychology degree

The first 3 or 4 seasons of black mirror were very good. I tried to watch the new one and couldn't get through all of them. I was 100% certain that after taking such a big break, they were not going to come back with the same quality. They also forgot the core of the show. It's supposed to be about technology fueled dystopias but the new season has supernatural shit in it. I'm guessing they will cancel it now with how much negative press it got, I'd be a little surprised to see a 7th season

Canada and the US are quite similar tbh, honestly the biggest differences you will see are the units of measure from Kilometres to Miles and Litres to Gallons, stuff like that. I was surprisingly shocked at how similar the prices in the States actually are, for many stuff it’s more expensive in the US which is just insane given their dollar has about 30% more value over ours. My girlfriends and I Starbucks order was the same price in USD as it was in CAD making it more expensive down there. Pop was also more expensive by that conversion, but some things are still cheaper.

Jeez, you know the world's bad when it's pricey in the states. I'm guessing though cheese remains cheap given their love for it

The lead guy who wrote black mirror tried to do an AI episode for the recent season and said it was terrible. There is AI commercials on YouTube, but they have a lot of human involvement still, I think they are AI assisted films but I could be wrong. Some are pretty cool, but honestly they just come across creepy and disorganized.


I'd be interested to see where AI goes in general, in a half a decade I could see serious strides with improvements, like other stuff. Still sounds kind of crazy that they would go to AI studios though...I wouldn't have much hope at that point, seems like giving up to me. I think I'd prefer the media I digest not be created by a robot but an actual person.

I don’t think AI and Robotics will be significant enough in our life time to impact us. Honestly I have a feeling most countries (at least Western ones) will outlaw the use of AI for many fields in order to protect trades and skilled positions. Of course there’s undesirable careers where AI might help us a lot. Honestly stuff like transport might be better served by AI (safer in a sense) if it can be tested and perfected.

I didn’t think about countries outlawing AI. I suppose that’s possible. I wonder how far we will see it go though. They are starting self driving cars. I wonder if by say 2080, they can have every car on the road be self driving. Might be a by country case though as I feel like that could need a lot of infrastructure changes



Yeah everything is kind of fucked… More and more I hate the explosion of the internet and long for simpler times. Last good generation is interesting way to put it. It’s true every subsequent generation will never know what it’s like to not have certain technologies

It’s crazy to think how much the world population has increased too. In the 80s it was under 5 billion. I wonder if it will go down because I think birth rates are decreasing. Or maybe not go down but at least stagnate a little

I think people are also starting to realize how fucked things are so maybe eventually there will actually be some type of reforms in certain aspects of society

Hey gang, I just got back Disneyland Paris. Never been to one of the parks in my life and honestly it was kinda surreal the whole time after having heard about it, seen the ads and just generally have its presence loom over. I will say though, Star Tours lived up to my hype and then some. It's just such an immersive ride The new Marvel expansion is kind of cool too. The ant man buffet is just out of this world good lol

Wait, you never even heard Disneyland Paris existed?