Post by sithkilla on May 5, 2013 12:09:16 GMT -5
This is the unedited and untouched introduction to an original story im writing. Can u guys tell me if its good or not? This is it:
INTRODUCTION:
A tall teenager walked down the street in the back alley ways of warehouses and condemned buildings. He was young with blood red hair and green eyes. He wore a long grey trench coat and walked with his head facing down.
It was raining and all was quiet until he heard a high-pitched feminine scream. He frowned and rushed towards the sound. He rounded a corner to find a small girl surrounded by several large men closing in on her. Her clothes where torn and her brown hair clung to her face from sweat and rain. She was also trembling in fear.
“Back away from her!” he growled. The men turned around and laughed. “You and what army?” one of them laughed, his language slurred. He was obviously drunk. “This army,” the man hissed and spilt into three versions of himself. The men were surprised yet laughed and attacked.
The copies threw the men into walks and punched them with inhuman strength. Within seconds the men laid in an unconscious heap. All the copies then flew back together as one person.
“You ok?” he asked. The girl kept her head down, still trembling. Then she calmly looked up into his eyes. The man suppressed a gasp, realizing she must be blind for her eyes were white.
“Yes, I am blind. Yet I see. You are like me, yet I am not like you. I see that you mean me now harm. Thank you for saving me,” she said with a quiet voice.
The man looked at her, confused.
“You have an uncommon gift. I have one too, yet it is not like yours. You have great physical power. Mine is mental. I see through the mind and fight through the mind, though I am not that strong in my fighting powers. Thank you for saving me,” the girl said again.
“Don’t mention it. Where do you live? I’ll walk you there to make sure you get home safe,” he told her.
The girl bit her bottom lip.
“I don’t have a home. No one wants a freak like me,” the girl replied.
The teenager understood the feeling. No one wanted a kid like him either. He then reached down and picked up the girl in his arms.
“Then you can come hang out with me. Come on, let’s go get you cleaned up,” he said.
“What’s your name?” asked the girl.
“Its Aaron. Aaron Green. Yours?” he asked.
“Donelle Sky,” the girl replied.
INTRODUCTION:
A tall teenager walked down the street in the back alley ways of warehouses and condemned buildings. He was young with blood red hair and green eyes. He wore a long grey trench coat and walked with his head facing down.
It was raining and all was quiet until he heard a high-pitched feminine scream. He frowned and rushed towards the sound. He rounded a corner to find a small girl surrounded by several large men closing in on her. Her clothes where torn and her brown hair clung to her face from sweat and rain. She was also trembling in fear.
“Back away from her!” he growled. The men turned around and laughed. “You and what army?” one of them laughed, his language slurred. He was obviously drunk. “This army,” the man hissed and spilt into three versions of himself. The men were surprised yet laughed and attacked.
The copies threw the men into walks and punched them with inhuman strength. Within seconds the men laid in an unconscious heap. All the copies then flew back together as one person.
“You ok?” he asked. The girl kept her head down, still trembling. Then she calmly looked up into his eyes. The man suppressed a gasp, realizing she must be blind for her eyes were white.
“Yes, I am blind. Yet I see. You are like me, yet I am not like you. I see that you mean me now harm. Thank you for saving me,” she said with a quiet voice.
The man looked at her, confused.
“You have an uncommon gift. I have one too, yet it is not like yours. You have great physical power. Mine is mental. I see through the mind and fight through the mind, though I am not that strong in my fighting powers. Thank you for saving me,” the girl said again.
“Don’t mention it. Where do you live? I’ll walk you there to make sure you get home safe,” he told her.
The girl bit her bottom lip.
“I don’t have a home. No one wants a freak like me,” the girl replied.
The teenager understood the feeling. No one wanted a kid like him either. He then reached down and picked up the girl in his arms.
“Then you can come hang out with me. Come on, let’s go get you cleaned up,” he said.
“What’s your name?” asked the girl.
“Its Aaron. Aaron Green. Yours?” he asked.
“Donelle Sky,” the girl replied.
Wars Story
and thanks! 
This is what you're getting published!? Epic!! 
